Well, hubby and I did not make it to see Dukes of Hazzard. We read quite a few reviews, not that I take those to heart but decided to take advantage of the tax free weekend and go shopping instead. Which of course is A LOT more expensive than goin to see a movie, good or bad... We went to a really nice wine shop in Kirkwood and then went to look at other wine racks since we have outgrown the one that we have. We found a couple that we really liked and that would look good with our kitchen and the other wine rack we already have. Plus, you can LOCK it, not that I have to worry about my children getting into them, but thought that it was a good idea. We also went out to dinner, which is always nice. We shared a strawberry kiwi frozen margarita that was yummy. And of course to top our night off we had to go to Wal-Mart since we were down to 1 roll of toilet paper and I tend to panic with 4 kids!!
Saturday we went shopping again. This time buying all the kids new shoes and clothes. 4 kids and $500 later, NOT bad... (YEAH RIGHT!!!) And that was just a few things for each of the children, and only 1 pair of shoes for each! *SIGH* Dang kids, soo dang expensive :o) Then hubby and our oldest son met up with Scott and Sammy for a night at the movies and some games. They saw War of the Worlds, which hubby has seen already but the rest had not and the boys really wanted to see it. The boys did a flight simulator that they said was really awesome and played air hockey and other fun games while they waited for the movie. They had a great time and it was awesome for both hubby and our son to get some one on one time that does not happen often.
With that being said, I have to say I am one of the luckiest women ever, how many men take on a child that is not his own and treat him as equally to his own children? We have 3 other beautiful children together, but you would never know that my oldest is not his with the way they act. They love and adore each other with all their hearts. It is a true father/son relationship that I could not have ever dreamed of. My hubby even helped coach my sons tball team...Their are times that I think of my sons biological father being in my son's life, but truly, I do not think that it is a good idea. Even my sons biological father could not treat my son as well as my husband does and I am so very thankful for that. My husband has been in mine and my sons life since he was just a few months old, and 10 years later its the best thing that could have happened to us both. Of course there have been rough times and times that my son does things that are just like his biological father that I would just LOVE to pluck out of my sons DNA, but there are lots of my husbands charateristics that I have seen my son pick up on that I just smile at. A girlfriend and I share a lot of things in common, she is remarried has a daughter by a previous relationship, the difference is her daughter sees her dad, gets child support from her dad, where as mine has only met him twice in his 10 years of life and I have NEVER recieved a penny of support from my sons biodad. We have talked several times about our situations and the thought of telling my son about his dad, it breaks my heart that one day I will have to reveal that truth to him and hope to hell that he is not devestated by it. I know that he will be, but the question is WHEN do I tell my precious child that the man he loves, adores and has always looked up to is not really his biological father, that he has another one that has not given a shit about him since before he was born is out there???? That his biological father has 2 other children by two other women and is currently married to his third wife??? Hell who knows what the number of wives or children will be by the time I get around to telling my son about this guy. I have rarely spoken ill of the man that I had my first child with, we were each others first love and that cannot be changed. And of course have not spoken illy of him to my son since he does not know him, nor would I, my son will know what his biofather is like and make his own opinion of him on his own, without my feelings being involved. I will not lie to my son about what happened but I will not put all the blame on my ex either. He has not shown any interest in getting to know my son and that is his loss and my gain. As far as the last 10 years have gone, my ex has had the opportunity to make amends and has chosen not to. I have always told him that I would not do that if he decided to be a part of my sons life, what he has chosen has been on him and not me trying to keep my son away at all. He has always known how to get a hold of me, my parents have been in the same house for the last 28 years with the same phone # that whole time. I have also stayed in touch with his grandparents and they have always known how to get a hold of me also. My sons bio grandparents have seen my son quite a few times. Especially as a baby. I took my son to see them, with my best friend at my side, I took my son to the hospital when his great grandpa was in the hospital. Over the years its been fewer and far between visits, but I do make the attempt to do so. I even have pictures of my son with his great grandparents. To me there is something special there, they deserve to see their great grandson and I will not deny them that. Its not their fault as to what happened between my ex and I and I will not use my son as a pawn against them. That would not be fair to them or to my son. They know how their grandson is, and know that he has denied that my son is his, though his grandmother knows better, they know that he is their great grandson and know that their grandson is the father of my child. They have been very honorable and I have to respect them for that.
I have never hidden or ran from my ex or been mean to him to make him think that he could not get to know his son. I have also known how to stay in touch with him in case anything were to ever come up, we have managed to not hold any contempt for one another though I have lots of reasons to do so. I do not find it beneficial and know that everything happens for a reason and I would not be where I am without everything that has happened, including having an awesome husband and 3 other beautiful children with him. His psycho mother broke us up for her benefit and I was the one left with the consequences for the rest of my life. I do not regret having or keeping my son. He is my life, along with his siblings and my husband. I just cannot help but think to the future and what it holds for my child. I have spoken to his biodad about the whens and hows and ifs of the situation and he knows that it is my decision, like all others when it concerns my son. I have stayed in touch with my exs grandparents over the years. They love my son and I and always have. We talk when we can and I have always loved and adored them and think that they are wonderful people. They have always accepted that my son was their first great grandchild and regret what happened in the situation and hate that they do not see him often. I have taken my son over to see them. Of course he does not know that they are his great grandparents and they respect the fact that I do not want to tell him cuz that would mean telling him about my ex and that is just not what I want to do yet. But it is so hard to know that my son has other family that he does not know. Granted his biograndparents on my exs side dont care, but that is their loss. Plus, they are people that I do not want around my son. I will not ever forgive them for what they did to me. The dad hated me from the beginning cuz I am not WHITE, and his mother is just plain psycho, including calling the hospital while I was in labor with my son threatening to steal him and put him up for adoption herself. She called so many times that I had to be UNregistered at the hospital and had lots of people watching out for me and my son because of the horrible situation. She even called my parents house in the middle of the night threatening things. Luckily I have great parents, they did not want me to keep my son when they found out I was pregnant and kicked me out, but after everything and working through it all they love their grandson so very much and have been wonderful parents and grandparents since. My son is 10, and a very mature 10 at that, he has a great head on his shoulders and I adore him. But, I know that the time is coming, I know that one day my son will know the truth and there is nothing I can do to protect him from that. Then of course there is the fact of will my son want to know and meet his biofather. What if my son wants to get to know the man that he has never known? I can pretty much tell that it would be disasterous. My ex is full of bad choices and plenty of baggage and dealing with a son, an ex wife, an ex wife that tried killing his other son, and a current wife that is a bitch, a new baby and a child that the newest wife has. So he has 3 kids already and my son has no place in his life. NOT that I want for my son to have a place in his life with all the shit that he has done. Granted I have not been perfect, but I have maintained a steady life for my son. Not a lot of men have been in and out of my life and my son has always just known my husband. Granted when I first had my son I did lots of dating and lots of partying, but that is all done and over with and my son never knew of any of that. Where as my exs second child has dealt with his dad coming and going in his life, has dealt with a couple of different step mommies and now a new baby. I do not want that chaos for my son. That is a therapy bill I wish to avoid. WOW, I have gone on and on about my life in a way I do not normally do. Knowing that my sons biodads ex wife still reads this blog, I tend to leave things pretty vague. Oh, well. Her and I used to be friends and its nothing new to her. Sucks that she has had to endure dealing with her sons hurt feelings by the guy, that is one thing I have to say I am thankful for, my son has not been hurt by the guy and I like it that way. Granted my son has a half brother that he has seen and has been a part of ( not anymore) and another half brother that he has never been a part of but some day they could get to know one another. My son is happy with the siblings he has and he loves his sisters and brother. Plus, its the constant that he knows and he does not know any different.
Oh well, time will tell and I am sure that some day I will muster up the courage to talk to him about it. My parents and I have talked about it, they do not like the idea of me telling my son since all he has ever known was my husband. But I would hate for my son to find out from someone other than me. It is something that my hubby and I want and need to do, nothing that anyone else needs to tell my son. My whole family obviously knows and so do most of my friends. They have all been good about it and know that it is my decision. They have all been supportive and know that when the time is right that I will tell him. They all differ on their opionions on WHEN I should tell him, but all respect the decisions hubby and I have made up to this point. Now, to just figure out when... I guess one thing that has made me think about it all is his bio great grandparents that he does not know. They are old and hate that they do not know their oldest great grandson. Though they understand my choice and support me in it and have even told me that my son is better off with me and my hubby. They know that my son is loved and taken care of. My son has/had an outstanding relationship with my grandparents, his great grandparents, and I hate that he does not know such wonderful people as his other great grandparents are. My husbands side of the family has also treated my son as one of their own and I am so very thankful for that. My son has known 5 great grandparents ( 7 unknowingly) and has already lost 3 of the 5 that he knows. I want him to know his other great grandparents but how is that possible without him knowing about his biodad also?? OK, I think that does it for me :o) I have spilled my guts enough for one day and think I need to get back to life and living it now. A lot has to be done to prepare for my cousins baby. I need to get some rearranging done so that I can make her a part of our normal life. Hope that everyones weekend has been a great one!!!
Ohhhh, a couple of last notes, to you know who... I think that it is wonderful what has been happening with you and I am very excited about it all. I think that it is a positive change and something that I think will be awesome in the long run!!! You are a wonderful person and I love your enthusiasm. My hubby is also very excited and adores you also :o)
Ok, and to Rob, we love you!!!!! You are a wonderful person and we are so happy that you are a friend of ours. Things will get better, keep your head up and you will make it through everything just fine. You are a stronger person through all this and you will make it out with your pride and your heart will heal. Everything has its purpose and this will only lead to bigger and better things for you!! Hope you are having a blast in FL with yelly. We love you very much and will see you when you get back!!!!
Holy hell I have been long winded... enough is enough... I am OUTTIE!!!