Things have gone from bad to worse. My grandma is not doing good and going downhill fast. The doctor did a CT scan of her head and chest and found a mass in her lung. He wanted to do a biopsy and she agreed til the day of the test and the doctor wanted her to sign a form saying that there is a possiblity that the procedure could collapse her lung and if that happened that they would crack her chest open and put a tube in her lung. Well, at that point she declined it and so we are not sure what the mass is but we are assuming it is cancer. The doctor wanted the family to talk her into treatment that she has refused repeatedly and none of us can do it. She has made her wishes abundantly clear that she does not want the treatment, that she does not care if she lives or dies. How can anyone fight with that? I wish to God I could fight her cancer and make it go away and keep her. But I understand her reasoning behind it and cannot blame her for wanting to be with her husband and son. She is in pain every day. She lives with it on a daily basis and does not even take pain medicine so that she can do her daily routine.
She spent 5 and a half days in the hospital. She ended up with pneumonia to top it off and ended up being on antibotics while she was there. She had a hematoma (?), which is a bruise on the brain from her fall. She was so very weak while in the hospital. The doctor has sent her home on Hospice care and a home health care nurse has been coming out a couple times a week to check on her. All in all it is a matter of time. She got home on Sunday and has yet to get back to her self and has been getting a little worse. She is very weak and not eating. My aunts have been taking turns staying with her and taking care of her.
It hurts like hell knowing she has given up and is letting the cancer eat her away. The thought of losing my grandma is killing me. I lost my grandpa 16 months ago and even though it is getting easier it still hurts. There are some days I feel so alone and helpless. Tonight being one of those times. Talking to my aunt tonight and hearing in her voice the fact that my grandma is not going to make it and then fighting with my husband who is in Chicago really just compounded all of it for me. I am just alone. End of posting for me. Hope everyone elses life is just peachy...