I have found that I do not deal with this type of stuff well. I have been the biggest bitch and crier through all that has happened in the last week. Thank goodness my hubby knows how to handle me. There are times I was just plain horrible to him. The viewing on Sunday was a heartbreak for me. I had not seen him til then and was very emotional about it. I did get to spend some time alone with him and talk to him so that was a comfort to me. He was in his Knights Templar uniform and looked just the way I remember him. He had a LOT of people come visit him and so many flowers. He Knights Templar service was neat. They did an excellent job and there were a lot of the guys there. Normally they barely have enough to do a service but because my grandpa was so liked and known in Masonry he had a lot there. It was special to see the service and the swords crossed over him. Then the Masonic service was just as special. Again there were a lot of guys there for that too. The Knights Templar were at guard next to grandpa. At the funeral he had a Heroes of 76 honor guard that too was very special. They were also at the cemetary. He also had a rifle salute which was neat. They also gave the flag to my grandma. It was a beautiful day and I am so very thankful for that.

There were a few family issues but overall it was a peaceful time. I have learned through this process that I really do not care for some people. My aunts husband is on that list and I think he has learned to steer clear of me and to not talk to me. The first thought that comes to my mind when I see him is child molester. That may sound horrible but its the thought I get when I see him. There is also a cousin that pissed me off. The ass was on her cell phone in the room where my grandpa was, I am sorry but that is just plain RUDE. After about 10 minutes of being on her damn phone I went up to her and told her to get out that it was rude to be on her damn phone in the same room with grandpa. She was not happy I told her to get out, but at that point she was lucky I did not slap the shit out of her. The other issue was at the funeral, and I know the littlest things pissed me off, but my aunts husband showed up to grandpas funeral NOT wearing a tie. Ok, I am not sure what part of the family is goin to wear red he did not get, but he did not even bother wearing a tie and look nice. Then to top it all off, we had ALL agreed to wear red to the funeral for grandpa, my grandmother even bought my aunt a red outfit for it and she did NOT wear it. My uncle had gotten red ties for almost all the guys (except for my aunts husband cuz hes too dang fat to wear a regular tie), my dad, hubby, brother, uncle George and my cousin Michael all wore matching red ties. My grandma wore a red jacket, Aunt Kathy wore a red blouse, I wore a red jacket, my mom wore a red jacket, and my cousin Michelle, who is 7 months pregnant even wore a red shirt. But nooo my other cousin could not manage to wear red or my other aunt. *deep breathe* Needless to say I was staying away from that part of my family just for the fact that I was in too bad of shape to deal with any of them.
I have a cousin that I have not seen in over 10 years show up. I talked to her a couple of years back and we did NOT have a good conversation. The woman is intolerable and I really cannot stand her. She stirred a bunch of shit up in the family and was calling my grandparents over the ordeal and that did not need to be done so I called her and told her so. She did not care for my saying so but after I was done with her she did not call my grandparents over her bullshit so I got shit taken care of. Then for her to show up with her 4 kids was almost too much. She showed up at the funeral home with her 4 kids in tow dressed in shorts and a tshirt and rowdy children. Luckily she left before I got ugly about it. Then at the funeral home for the service she was there with her children AGAIN and ended up having to leave the chapel because her children were crying and causing a scene. Then at the cemetary her kids were fine. I did not talk to her the whole time she was here or even acknowledge her presence. Though she irked me just being there. According to her she did not want to be contacted again til her own mother croaked, as she put it. Then her sister and her big ass mouth called her and told her and for some odd reason she found the need to come. Thank goodness she is going back where she came from and hopefully we will not have to deal with her again for a long time.
I did get a chance to sit and talk to my grandmother. I absolutely adore my grandparents and she knows how close I am to my grandpa since I am close to her also. She is not a very expressive person and I was amazed at how she was. Every time I call my grandparents I tell them I love them. Grandpa was easy to say it back but my grandma is the type that says thank you sweetie and does not say it back. But yesterday her and I had a chance to talk and she said to me how much I meant to her and that she loved me very much. It had me crying yet again. She is an absolutely wonderful person and I adore her.
I finished the scrapbook of grandpa for grandma and it turned out very good. I will have a lot more to add to it since my one aunt did not bother to bring any of her pictures for the book. So the book only had pictures of my family, my parents and brother, and my other aunt and her kids and grandkids. My other aunt had very few pics of her and none of her 3 daughters or grandkids in it or her husband. Over all it really did turn out beautifully though.
I still have a lot to work through. I really do not want to believe that he is gone. I want our talks back, I want to hear about his childhood again, I want to hear about his Navy days, I want to hear him talk about me when I was a kid and the things him and I used to do, I want to see him, I want him to come over and visit with the kids and to hug and kiss him. I want to be able to go over to visit and see him sitting in his chair, I want to be able to talk baseball with him, to hear him give my hubby trouble about being an Astros fan, I want to be able to pick up the phone and call him and talk to him about whatever, to have him read me stories that he liked from the newspaper or whatever magazine he was reading, I want to talk politics with him and talk about God with him, I want his smile, his laugh, his voice. There are just so many more things that I want back. Most of all I just want him back.